That Was the Fastest (and totally Craziest) Year of My Life

Guess what, you guys? My boys turned one yesterday.

I'm totally serious.

No, I can't believe it either. This has seriously been the fastest year of my life. Let's think about it: between April 10, 2013 and April 10, 2014, my boys turned from crazy little worms in my abdomen into humans, Katie grew pretty much her entire head of hair, we moved all the way across the country, Mike transformed into a weirdy student doctor who uses 15-syllable latin-based medical terminology instead of English, and well, we're a real, grown-up family. Not just the newlyweds with our token first child. It's real.

But after the kids are all in bed and I'm done frantically baking/cleaning/diapering/singing/wrestling/dressing/brushing/nose-wiping/mouth-swabbing/shoe-putting-back-on/crisis-averting/whatever else the heck happens in my ridiculous life, I'll feel slightly more fond of my sweet, innocent, adorable, perfectly well-behaved children. Who have really changed in the last year.

Mike and I were even musing about this the other day. Here's an approximation of our conversation:

Me: I can't believe the boys are going to be one tomorrow!
Mike: I know! I can't believe they're already so big.
Me: I still can't even believe we have twins!
Mike: I know. We survived.
Me: And you know? It's true what they say. Now that they're a year old, things are starting to get slightly easier.
Mike: Yeah, we're almost out of the sharknado! *
Me: Well, I dunno about that.
Mike: Yeah, it's still hard, but it's not a sharknado anymore. It's like . . . a cownado. Nothing is going to eat you, but you'll still get plowed over by large animals.
Me: . . .

*See reference to an awesome blog that compared the first year of twins to a sharkado here. Or if you don't know what Sharknado is, try here. But a warning: it will probably do the opposite of enrich your life.

So now we enter Year Two: The Cownado.

And now it's the next day and I'm trying to get this up to appease the Grandmas while my kids are eating crunchy leftover birthday cake that I didn't sweep up last night because I collapsed in a stupor as soon as everyone was in bed. And Katie is monopolizing the boys' birthday presents because they can't quite keep up with her when she's running. But here's a commemorative photo series. (Mom, don't cry too much, okay?)

6 weeks pregnant (I cried a lot that day)

Significantly more weeks pregnant

April 10, 2013 (Josh, Peter)

One month old (Josh, Peter)

Two months (Josh, Peter)

Three months (Peter, Josh)

Four Months (Peter, Josh)

Five Months (Josh, Peter)
 

Six Months (Josh, Peter)

Seven Months (Peter, Josh)

Eight Months (Peter, Josh)

Nine Months (Peter, Josh)

Ten Months (Josh, Peter)

Eleven Months (Peter, Josh)

Daddy got just a little too close.

Joshy LOVES birthday cake

But Peter probably loved it even more

April 10, 2014

Happy Birthday, little Hooligans. I sure hope the cownado is less terrifying than the sharknado.

We're About Four Months Behind. And Unashamed.

Remember that one time how as soon as Frozen came out, everyone went all ga-ga about the song "Let it Go"? And now everyone is super tired of it and wants everyone to just let it go? (See what I did there?)

Well, we never saw it in the theaters. And because I'm a huge fan of real actual Disney movies and I knew I was going to love it, I just went out and bought it the day it came out. And Katie and I both instantly fell in love with it. And we might be obsessing. Just a little bit.

For one thing, my mom gave me the soundtrack. For another, Katie has watched the movie about eight times in the two weeks we've had it. For a third thing, any time we're doing anything, anything at all, we're singing songs from the movie. I'll be sitting there, changing boy diapers, and Katie will come over and say, "Hey Mom! Can we sing the "window is open, so's that door" song?" And so it begins. We don't usually stop until we've gone through the entire soundtrack.

And even when we're not being a big family Broadway production, Katie is constantly singing the songs. If she's in the bathroom, she's singing "Love is an Open Door." If she's not, she's marching regally around the house with a blanket over her shoulders singing "Let it Go" at the top of her lungs. Mom, I know you're going to reference a certain little redhead singing "Part of Your World" at that age, so I will do it for you. I think I know who's daughter Katie is.

That's how amazing my daughter is.

As for the boys, well, I have some news. It's terrifying, adorable, ridiculous, and spectacular. Peter . . . has taken THREE STEPS IN A ROW. Pray for me, everyone.

Tears upon leaving the park today.

The hooligans are always trying to escape!

Peter the flirt. I'm not kidding. He's a flirt.

"Here, Mom. Let me take a selfie."

Captain Hook

Peter Pan

"Mom? Is that the outside? Can we try it, Mom?"

And there you have it. I live in a mad house. But at least there's light at the end of the tunnel. There will be sunshine someday.

Almost-Spring Shenanigans and Tomfoolery

Once upon a time, there was a slight amount of sunshine and everyone got all excited for springtime. And then it was not anymore. Blegh. The end.

You know, I was planning to write this a lot earlier in the day, but then the boys were having a hard time with their nap (on account of we are ALWAYS sick) so I didn't get the chance. And now I'm all tired and my brain disappeared, and all the thoughts I had during the day of things I should write (it was going to be very eloquent and intelligent-sounding) are gone. Alas. So you're getting the chocolate-fueled drivel that comes out of my brain after I finally get my children to bed. Sorry.

Luckily for you, I remembered to write down some pretty good Katie-isms in the last couple of weeks.

(Looking at her pansies): "Look, Mom! My panties are growing!"

(Trying to be Baby Jesus): "I disappeared in my swollen clothes!"

(While flushing the potty): "Goodbye poopie! Have fun storming the castle!"

(Upon my attempting to comb her hair): "No, Mom. Jesus wears his hair like this."

(Singing at breakfast): "Two little princesses, sitting on a speckled log, eating the most delicious dress. Yum yum!"

Aren't they great? That's my girl. She's super ridiculous. Want to know one of my favorite things, though? She's teaching her brothers to be ridiculous. For example, she likes to play "Dr. Katie," but not on her brothers, as most older siblings would. She likes to practice on me. And she employs her assistants, Nurse Joshy and Nurse Peter.

And now, even when Katie's not around, the boys will find her little Fisher Price stethoscope and blood pressure cuff and come over and start whacking me with them. Good little medical assistants.

On the flip side, they're very affectionate boys. Joshy is the king of all Momma's boys. He always wants to be holding me, rubbing his snot on my cheek, and trying to take bites of whatever sweater I happen to be wearing. He's almost gotten giant holes in some of them. But he's very sweet and loving and has a big 'ole toothy grin whenever he sees me coming.

Peter is very affectionate, but with slightly less drool and chomping (mostly because he doesn't have as many teeth). When I pick him up after his nap or when he hasn't held me in a while, he wraps his arms around my neck and gives me a big squeeze, and while Joshy's affection is usually snot-related, Peter will just climb up on my lap and press his cheek to mine.

Of course, Peter's affections also translate to his brother. Until recently, we let the boys sleep in the same bed just at night, because they like to fall asleep touching each other. Actually, they really like to cuddle. Unfortunately, however, Peter has started the process toward needing less sleep during the day, and he now takes longer to sleep at night. Which means that while Josh is ready to hunker down at bed time, Peter wants to roll over on top of his brother and smack him in the head repeatedly.

Granted, a lot of the time, it's actually a lot cuter than that. He rolls over to spoon Josh and hugs him around the waste, but apparently he hugs him too tight and Josh gets mad. Or maybe it's because he's constantly stealing Joshy's binky and smacking him with it . . .

Either way, on more than one occasion have I seen the boys snuggled up together and seen Peter with one hand on his own head, and his other hand rubbing Joshy's head.

I'm officially okay with having twins.

Detox Week

That's what my friend calls the few days after Grandma goes home: detox. On account of we've all stayed up way too late and had too many treats and parties and not enough sleep. Gagh.

And I know you've all been sitting hunched over your computers, weeping and hitting the refresh button over and over again waiting for me to write on my blog. So that's my excuse.

On the up-side, we've had a pretty fantastic last week with Grandma. She got here on March 7, and Katie decided right then and there that she was going to be superglued to Grandma's side the entire week. When we put her to bed that night, she said, "Good night, Grandma! I'm going to wake you up tomorrow!" She never failed to keep that promise.

I know right? We don't look anything alike!

We didn't do that much out of the ordinary while she was here, but our regular business was way more fun. For example, she seemed to bring the sunshine with her, and Katie got to actually ride her bike a little bit. We went shopping, read probably a bazillion stories, and, between Mom treating us and the various birthdays, ate a lot of food.

One thing's for sure, though. My mom is super great. We went all crazy the week before she came because Mike had a week off between quarters. How did we spend it? Cleaning our house. Both because it needed it and because we really didn't want my mom to come here and spend a week cleaning our house. So what did she do? Wash most of the dishes while I was holding babies. Scrub the kitchen floor while I was taking a shower. Start my laundry while I was at the store. Geez, Mom. Do you have to be so awesome? Next time, I'm going to make a schedule full of crazy fun things to go out and do so that you won't just come in and clean my house. Also, I sure love you.

While she was here, she had a birthday (yay!) and also Mike had a birthday (yay!), so there was an abundance of cake. For Mom, I made vanilla-almond cupcakes with white chocolate frosting. They were like magic. I'ma have to make them again. For Mike, well, let's just say OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM. Grilled chicken with goat cheese and lemon butter sauce, mint moose tracks and caramel caribou ice cream, and angel food cake (which I make from scratch because baking is the one thing I know I can do right). Yeah, you're jealous. Now I have approximately four holidays' worth of decorations in my kitchen. I should probably take several of them down.

I just saved us hundreds of thousands of dollars with that present right there that he's holding.

In my effort to distract myself from my mom leaving, we got all crazy on the new healthy resolutions train. For example, Mike convinced me that Joshy's hair was getting a little gender-neutral. Heaven forbid his MAN child get confused with a girl.

The best part? Those faces they're making in the "after" picture is what they automatically do whenever I point the camera at them. Turns out that having a mom who frequently (some might venture to say "excessively") goes on picture-taking binges results in kids who know how to pose. Score one for the Mommy!

That night, after the kids were in bed, Mike and I had a goal-setting meeting (cue forboding music). The results? We're forcing ourselves into some new healthy-eating habits and some exercise, and we're continuing our 30 minutes a day scripture challenge, but we're starting the New Testament. (We just finished a Book of Mormon challenge where we read 10 pages a day, but I think 30 minutes will be better.) I'm totally jazzed about reading the New Testament (I haven't done it seriously since, like, college), but the whole diet and exercise thing is not making me a particularly happy mommy. We're even doing it right, with no extremes, and we're still allowed moderate treats and snacks (you know, the healthy kind). But I've been an emotional eater for a long time. And just two days of this is already making me into crazy diet impatient mom. This is bad.

But I know that in the long run, this will be better. We'll be happier, have more energy, and, eventually, I might have good self-esteem again. Who knows? In the mean time, here are some adorable pictures of my family.

Happy (maybe for real this time) Spring! I'll try to be better now that we're getting back into real life and a routine and all that jazz. And hopefully the sun will finally cooperate and melt the giant snowbanks that are still there even though it got up into the 50s last week. Maybe.

Spring is comi-- Nope. Just kidding.

It got up to the 50s this week. Not kidding. It was my turn to teach preschool on Wednesday, and I entertained thoughts about taking the kids out on the grass for a water balloon fight. I ended up deciding against it because I didn't want them to drip on my hardwood.

Then the polar vortex came back and was like, "Psych!" Besides that, things are starting to look up around here. This week is . . . finals week! Woo!

Yeah, it's not that great. Mike is pretty much always downstairs in his cave, and if he ever comes up to talk to us, he's twitching and muttering the names of body parts and diseases under his breath. End of this week, we're going to slap him really hard and make him take a nap, and then maybe he'll go back to normal.

But after finals week, life will be great. He's got a whole week off between quarters, and then spring quarter is supposed to be not nearly as hard as winter quarter. Not to mention, at the end of his week off . . . MY MOMMY IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just a little bit excited.

To illustrate how much the cabin fever is getting to us, let me tell you about some of my and Katie's conversations recently.

*Note: Every Friday we make homemade pizza for dinner. Yeah, I live with a bunch of pizzaholics.
Me: Hey Katie, do you know what day it is?
Katie: Um, Tuesday?
Me: No, it's Friday! And what do we have for dinner on Fridays?
Katie: . . . Fries?

Katie: *Singing during lunch* I love you so much, that there were tears, and then there were some good giraffes that helped me get away my tears. And then Jesus came and made me happy and gave me a super coloring book that I love. And then there were some ducks and Jesus said, "I'm going to make you a magic toy" . . .
*Note: we are now having more discussions about Jesus.

My favorite, though, is one that arose because my brother, Parker, forgot who he was writing to. My family sent Katie a Valentine's Day card, and all of them wrote a little note. Parker's said, "I'm going to get you a pony and a castle. Happy Valentine's Day." Yeah, guess who believes every word her uncles say to her?

So the other day, Katie was with me while we were out running errands, and we were passing one of those super ritzy neighborhoods, where they were building a new house that had turrets.

Katie: Is that a castle?
Me: It kind of looks like one, doesn't it?
Katie: Uncle Parker is going to get it for me.

Parker, you are in trouble. (Also, if you get super rich with your patent, and actually get us a castle, you should put it in my name. Just a thought.)

As for the boys, I don't even know where to start. Okay, yes I do. I have written often about how Josh is a bottomless pit, haven't I? Because he is. He will sit in his high chair and shovel until you stop giving him food. Result: he's a super tank. That kid is SOLIDLY built. Okay, so he's still pretty skinny for his age, but compared to Peter, he's a giant massive chunky kid. (Who is still pretty barrel-chested.) Peter, on the other hand, does occasionally get full. And when he does, I know he's done because he starts very delicately plucking up bits of his food and dropping them, one by one, over the side. It's adorable and infuriating at the same time.

They've also started pulling themselves up to stand on pretty much everything. And they love to dance, especially Peter. Even when it's just Katie making what is supposed to be beat-boxing noises. Peter's little bum will go up and down, side to side. It's so adorable I could cry. Now I just need him to catch up to Joshy in the hair-growing department. And potentially stop shrieking so loud. I think my ear drums are about to their breaking point.

Oh, is it seriously 5:30 already? Geez! Here are some pictures, but then I need to go make dinner.

"Okay, girlie. Smile at the camera."

"What if I told you you could eat all of the chocolate?"

Helping with the groceries

Yeah, right, Peter. Nice try.

Happy . . . less Winter than it used to be!

The New Girl in Town

Hey guys. So, it seems that PepperJohn is no longer Katie's alter ego. He was her imaginary friend for a while, but things are getting a little weirder. Enter Baby Loogy.

So, the other night, Katie was pretending to be a baby, so I held her that way and was joking to Mike that we had a new baby.

Me: What should we name her?
Katie: I'm a new baby!
Mike: How about . . . (channeling my dad) . . . Rabobaluga?
Katie: Bobaluga?
Me: We could call you Loogy for short. *Really mature giggling*
Katie: I'm Baby Loogy!
Mike: Um, Katie, do you know what a Loogy is?

And now she's Baby Loogy all the time. ALL the time.

As for her imaginary friend, it's getting a little creepy. She calls him Jack, as in Jack and the Beanstalk, but she acts like he's really there. For example, she came downstairs today and said, "Can me and Jack have a snack?"

Me: Oh, you brought Jack with you?
Katie: Yeah, he's right there. *Points to a spot on the floor*
Me: Right where?
Katie: Right there! *Points quite vigorously* Don't you want a snack?
Me: . . .
Katie: See? He says yes!

I'm getting a little weirded out. I think Jack's a creeper.

In other news, here are some random things Katie has said to me.

"Don't get up, Mom. You were like a big, giant whale!"

*Stroking my hair* "You are my beautiful, I love you so much, don't snitch the popcorn! You are my beautiful . . ."

Before things get any more creepy, let's just put up a whole bunch of pictures, shall we?

This is the normal state of my children.

Joshy the heartbreaker

Using up leftover frosting :)

Peter: What? Are you taking pictures? *CHOMP CHOMP*

Peter Lashes

During Katie's allotted computer time

Joshy's ready for his close-up

Can you see his cape? It's shiny.

Hey all you Blairs - This is my son. He's related to you.

Peter's coming for me.

Joshy got chocolate Cheerios

Happy Valentine's! (Pre-baked)

And . . . baked. Or half-baked.

Strawberry cheesecake with oreo crust. You know you're jealous.

So, that's the last couple of weeks. AND, guess what?!?!?!?! It was like 40 degrees today!!!!! Sorry, I just remembered that and got a little bit excited. Maybe we'll be able to go outside without getting immediate frostbite! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Crossing my fingers.

Hurricane Boys Strike Again!

My sons are 10 months old today. (AAAAAAAAAAUUAUAUAUAUAAAAAAGGGHGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I was just sitting here, having a rare moment of quiet as the boys nap and Katie watches Mulan (yeah, I'm a good mom. So what?) and realizing that time goes by so ridiculously fast. For Valentine's Day last year, my mom took Katie, and Mike and I stayed home, ate pizza, and watched a movie and cuddled because I was too dang pregnant to go out and do anything. Now those abdominal tumors are almost walking. You heard me.

Okay, so they've still got a ways to go. But Joshy's pretty adept at climbing stairs and unplugging things, and Peter pulls himself up to stand on anything and everything, and more than once have I seen him let go. GACK!

Also, the boys have learned the power of teamwork. You should see how fast they can empty a bookshelf or the diaper bag. Or how fast they can spread one bagel's worth of crumbs across the entire house. And if they find something I mistakenly left out that they're not supposed to have, one will grab it and crawl over to the other, saying, "Hey, look what Mom forgot! How fast do you think we can get it open?" At which point they both start pulling and pinching and whacking, trying to open whatever it is (wipe box, desitin tube, etc.)

It's quite terrifying. Lucky for me, they are also starting to show signs of musical tendencies like their sister. Joshy, for example, is ALWAYS singing. Whenever he's just sitting there, playing, in his high chair, whatever, he is singing. Just humming his own little tune to whoever happens to hear. And Peter has got the moves. I'm not kidding! It won't happen if he's cranky, but if a tune or a beat comes on, he starts bouncing. Oh my goodness, I forgot how much I loved little diaper-shaped hippie wiggles. I'm going to try to get it on video, don't worry.

In other news, Katie is a never-ending wealth of humor and wisdom.

Me (after Katie had been quiet for a while), "What's in your head, sweetheart?"
Katie, "Um . . . some bones."

Totally out of the blue at breakfast: "Fish and whales and dolphins live in the water. But camels don't live in the water."

When I asked if she wanted some lunch: "I'm a princess. And Princesses don't fly."

And my favorite: "I drive people peanuts."

Yeah, she's super cool.

I don't have any good pictures today. Sorry, team. Unfortunately, we've spent the last week huddling under blankets trying to beat whatever poisonous germ got into the house. It was bad. Luckily we're on the way up now. Happy Valentine's!