And Now, another episode of "My Kids are both Hilarious and TOTALLY NUTS."

I can understand if none of you read my blog anymore. I can NOT believe it has been a month. Well, it's been quite a month. So maybe I can believe it.

Now I'm trying to remember what has happened in the last month. It was kind of a blur. The first part of the month was warm, and we went to the park a lot, and didn't wear jackets, and I may have gotten sunburned. Then, it hit. FALL!!!!

I'm really excited. I don't know, I guess I was tired of the sweating and the humidity and the nasty bugs everywhere. But now there's wind and the trees are changing color, and I get to wear large sweaters that cover up my belly fat. Yay!

Besides teaching preschool, not much out of the ordinary has happened (I guess we've just been running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get as much outside time as possible before Chicagoland becomes the Arctic Tundra). But my children are hilarious. And because I'm super OCD, they will now be compartmentalized.

Katie

(Singing) "I know when I am baptized my lungs are washed away . . ."

***Official disclaimer: For those who do not belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we do not actually wash away any lungs. Baptism washes away sins. SINS. NOT LUNGS. Thank you.

Katie is the most creative and uninhibited person I know. And I have a lot of toddlers in my acquaintance currently. She insists daily that when she grows up, she wants to be a Ballerina, a Doctor, and a Soccer Player. She tried to add football player, baseball player, and basketball player to the list the other day, but I told her she needed to limit her choices or we'd all be totally nuts. Also I put my foot down at my baby girl playing football. Ugh.

Please note that the only thing Katie will play is "Let it Go"

A couple of weeks ago, we bought a piano from a friend who was moving (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it was a big deal. We recruited some guys from the ward to help pick it up, and Katie and I anxiously waited by the front window while Mike and the guys went to get it. Shortly after they left (just my luck) it started to rain.

Me: Oh no, now I'm worried.
Katie: Why? Are you afraid your husband is dead?
Me: . . . well I wasn't before . . .



Luckily, he was not dead, and we now have a real live, actual piano. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I actually didn't get a turn for a while because the kids insisted on breaking it in for me. But I have since gotten to play it a lot, which I think has greatly improved my mental state. It's super easy to just ignore all the hooligans and play some Gershwin for a while. Or Chopin, if my mom were here. Now that it's been here for a couple of weeks, I just need to find a good tuner.

Anyways, Katie. Oh, Katie. She was playing one afternoon (I think it was Sunday because Mike was here), and Mike asked her what song she was playing.

"This is called 'Dark and Brooding.'"
*Plays a jaunty, ragtime tune and sings "Dark and Brooding" to the tune of "Row, row, row your boat"*
"And this one is called 'Lucy had a Mary Lamb.' At the end it has everybody DIE. And then a bunch of bad guys come. And then a bunch of bats come and eat all the dead people."

Yep, that's my beautiful, delicate flower. Here's just a couple more that I don't even know how to work into context.

"This is my awkward princess chair. I'm the awkwardest princess in the whole world."

"Whimpering fireboxes! My brothers are still asleep!"

Me: "Ew, it smells like old rest stop in here."
Katie: "I think it smells like diarrhea in here!"

Josh

"What, I still have a Mom? Oh look, toys!"

Oh, Josh. What am I going to do with you? He's simultaneously sweet and adorable and also super mischievous. I have no idea. So, the good news is that we started going to nursery. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) On the 28th I brought them in for the first time and then stayed in with them because they won't be 18 mos until the 10th. And Josh didn't even remember I was there. Peter was totally fine until I had to take Josh out to change him, and then he FLIPPED. Peter is a very shy little dude when Mommy's not around. Even with Josh and Katie both in there with him. But Josh is all about the fun. Who cares about boring 'ole parents? He's also the one that just starts wandering off at the park and chases the big kids up the giant slide and tries to catch the geese that are still bigger than him. It's a blessing and a curse. I've been thinking about getting him a leash and harness for when we leave the house.

He's also getting really smart. He knows his eyes, nose, mouth, teeth, head, hands, toes, and belly button. Oh man, he loves his belly button. Also Peter's belly button. Almost as much as Peter loves HIS belly button. They are constantly grabbing each other's shirts so they can poke each other's belly buttons. It's kind of adorable and frustrating.

Feeling a little touristy today

But Josh is also super obsessed with machines. He LOVES to build with blocks. He has way more patience for it than Peter or even Katie. And he's always trying to get at whatever machine I happen to be using. Kitchenaid, washer and dryer, dishwasher, popcorn maker, anything that makes noise and runs on electricity. He hears it start up and then gets all excited and tries to climb up my leg to see. When we got out the air popper he just wanted to sit and watch it, and now he'll sometimes go over to the cupboard where he knows we keep it and start asking to get it out. Don't tell Papa, but we might have another little engineer on our hands. He LOVES the construction equipment out on the main road, and "truck" is one of his clearest words. Oh boy, that kid loves machines.

Now if only he didn't love climbing so much. He can push chairs around and climb everything, so that I've found him standing on the kitchen table trying to get the light fixture, standing on the island and kicking over the peanut butter I so foolishly left out, and trying to get dangerous things out of the cabinets that I foolishly thought were high enough. You know, since they're at MY eye level. Apparently not. And the other day, he was sitting at the piano, playing nicely, when all of a sudden his playing got a little bit exciting. When I came back into the family room, he was standing on the keyboard, trying to climb to the top of the piano. We now keep the piano bench on the other side of the baby gate, only getting it back out when someone is going to play the piano supervised. Or, you know, when Mike or I want to play.

This picture will be famous someday in his biography.

But despite all of his ridiculousness, Joshy is a sweetheart. Most of the time he just wants me to sit down so he can bring about 30 stories over and read ALL of them with me. His favorite place is in my lap. And if I didn't have so many things to do or other children to keep from murdering each other, I'd just stay there and sit with him. He's such a chunky little cuddle muffin. I love his cheeks. And I think he needs another hair cut. The stuff in the back is starting to get fluffy.


Peter

Popcorn: the ultimate source of true happiness.

Okay, now we get down to business. Peter is a talker. And I don't just mean all his little babbling, though he still sometimes does that, too. I mean he talks. His identifiable words include tasty, shoes (HE LOVES SHOES), Joshy, monkey, sit down, shirt, diaper, Katie, catch, and amen. Oh, and both boys like to wave and say "bye!" when they go down for their nap or when Daddy's heading off to school in the morning. It's hilarious and adorable. But my favorite thing that Peter says is "High-Pie!" *He says while high-fiving the paper plate skeleton we have in the window.* That's right. High-Pie. You know you want Peter to high-pie you.

He's still a little bit shy, and I'm worried about what that's going to mean for nursery. But when we're at home, boy this kid is a menace. When you look at the two boys, you assume that Josh (who is easily five pounds heavier still) is the bully, right? WRONG. Apparently Peter's Napoleon complex has fully matured and that kid can totally hold his own. Not to mention that he has a superpower called EAR-SHATTERING BLOOD-CURDLING GLASS-BREAKING SHRIEK. He learned it from his benevolent older sister.

But I don't think he really means to hurt anybody. I think it's mostly self-defense, because Katie seems to think that he's her own personal pet brother, and drags him around everywhere with her. When he's sitting on the couch, she basically uses him as a cushion. If he wants to danse, she pretends he's her barre and she's doing ballet. He's gotta be tough to deal with a sister the likes of KATIE. Meanwhile, Josh (who's almost as big as Katie and therefore less drag-around-able) sits off to the side doing his own thing and occasionally laughing at Peter's misfortunes. And therefore Peter has learned how to throw things at people and such of that nature.

Really, though, he's a sweetheart. For example, he recently learned how to actually kiss (unlike Josh, who still involves his whole face when trying to kiss me). So, the last couple of days when Mike and Katie had food poisoning and I think I got a total of three hours of sleep over two days, Peter was really good about coming over to me when I was about to break, hugging me around the neck, and then kissing me all over my face. And then giggling when I tried to kiss him back. He's super affectionate and loves to hug and kiss me. I love it so much.

Two young gentlemen, enjoying their balcony garden

And really, for the most part, my kids are really good to each other. Peter even frequently likes the wrestling with Katie. All three of them love to snuggle and give hugs and "MAMAMAMA" is not necessarily always a bad word around here. I just tell the violent parts because they are more humorous.

Now, let's talk about animals. Both of my boys LOVE any kind of animal book. We have discussed previously Joshy's obsession with tigers, which was partially shared by his brother, but their latest favorite is now ELEPHANTS. Oh man, elephants. They love them. So, a long time ago, I got a little bitty stuffed elephant and a stuffed monkey for the boys, which they haven't been particularly interested in snuggling ever. Well, now that they love animals, that's changing. Of course they have always loved monkeys, shrieking "ah ah ah!" when they see one. But now they love their toy monkey and elephant. Peter sleeps with the elephant, snuggling it under his neck when I give it to him. Josh isn't too keen on sleeping with an animal, but he loves to snuggle the monkey when he's awake, and we've taken to leaving both animals in Peter's bed because they play together with them when they wake up in the morning. I love listening to them trumpet like elephants before I open the door. Sometimes I think Peter is doing a little puppet show out of his bed for Josh. It's adorable.

Katie's conference activity

Before I finish and just picture dump at you guys, I need to say something about General Conference. For those of you who don't know, twice a year, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons, also, us) spend a whole weekend listening to/watching broadcast messages from our living prophet and the twelve apostles, as well as other leaders of the church. And this last weekend was that weekend. And what I need to say is WOW. I'll admit, I don't get to listen to the talks as well as I'd like. (My excuses shall remain unnamed but they rhyme with batie, wash, and jeter.) But everything I did hear really touched me.

It began last week at the General Women's Meeting, which was amazing. But I think my favorite moment was when the choir sang a medley of a primary song called "My Heavenly Father Loves Me" and the hymn "I Know that My Redeemer Lives." (It's called "Hymn Medley" on the webpage after you click "show music" at the top.) I really felt the Savior's love for me then, as well as during a lot of the conference this weekend. So many of the talks were about how much the Lord loves us and wants us to return to Him, and that He will help us through our trials and afflictions. And that when there is something He needs us to do, He will provide a way for us to accomplish that. He loves us and wants the best for us.

Watch/listen to/read conference. Any of it. All of it. Please. It will bless your life.

Okay fine, picture dump.

"Okay, guys, I just need some quiet time. Please just watch some Curious George."

Artwork convention

You know you wish you were this fabulous.

Joshy got tired for a second.

He refused to take off his car shirt to put on the jammy shirt. I don't blame him. It is an awesome car shirt.

Sassy pants

My little men, all grown up and saving China . . . *sniff*

Joshy just wanted to smell the flowers, okay?

Daddy and Peter selfie!

When we pick the boys up, they start smacking our heads, asking for this.

Oh ya know, just being awesome in their Halloween hats.

Well, that's all I have to say about that.

Top Reasons Why I am the Worst Ever at Returning Phone Calls

If you give a boy a peanut butter sandwich, he'll want a sippy full of milk to go with it. Because, as Mike says, "Josh thinks that water is what poor kids drink when they can't afford milk."

Welcome to my life.

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks (at least not for reals). Well, I have a few things that have kept me from me leisure time.

Reason #1:

Yes, this is Peter. And he wasn't trying to get out--he was trying to get his fourth limb in.

 Reason #2:

Josh at lunch.

Reason #3:

. . . Just Katie

Want to hear something terrifying? Preschool has started. We're already in week two. Granted, I love the few hours every Tuesday and Thursday when it's not my turn to teach that the boys aren't being shown a new way to get into mischief by their sister. But what I mean is, it's September. It's going to be down in the low 60s on Friday. Remember that one time when last winter it was in the negative 40s a few times? I know, it's not usually like that, but still. I need to get my outdoor time in for sanity's sake!

But on the flip side, she was really cute in her first day of school pictures.

Yeah, she's a big kid now. Actually, as she says it, "Mom, I'm going to miss you when I go to preschool. And I'm going to miss you when I go to big kid class after Christmas [meaning sunbeams at church]. And then I'm going to learn how to drive a car all by myself, and you'll sit in the back with the brothers, and Dad will ride next to me."

Keep dreaming, kid.

You know who else is a big kid now? I mean, he's always been big, but Josh has FINALLY STARTED WALKING. See, Peter started walking just before his 1st birthday, so he's been running circles around his brother for the last five months. And I swear, Josh has only been refusing to walk to spite me. It's not like he got his stubbornness and tenacity from ME! *Intense eyebrows at Mike*

Anyhow, he's walking now. HALLELUJAH!

I know what you're thinking. "Brittany, are you nuts? If he's walking, it means he can get into more trouble! How are you going to keep up?!?!" Let me tell you.

A: He was a ridiculously fast crawler and walking has only slowed him down so far.

B: Ability to climb ridiculously dangerous objects and laugh maniacally while doing so is completely irrelevant to ability to walk. He's been doing that for months.

C: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT KID WEIGHS? (Spoiler alert: he's closer to Katie than to Peter.) I'm so worn out of having to lug that giant monster baby everywhere that I didn't want him crawling around! HE'S A TANK!

D: Also, he's really cute walking around, 'cause he still walks like a new walker, which I think is adorable. Peter's long been finished with the whole "toddling" thing. Pete struts like the world is his catwalk.

Joshy the very solid, newly independent boy

So yeah. It's a relief. We can actually go places (like the park) without my having to haul him around. Now I just set them all loose and they run around to whatever they want to climb. I only have to get up from my bench if there are dubious strangers around (and I know most of the kids from our neighborhood now, so I don't usually have to worry) or if somebody is bleeding more than usual. So I don't really have to get up much.

They spent the entire time we were there yesterday trying to climb up the wrong end of the slide. Together. At the same time.

Yeah, I'm not exactly one of those "helicopter mom" types.

Just sittin' in the blocks . . . reading a story . . .

I don't really have any news about Peter getting bigger . . . because he's really not. He's really smart, and starting to talk a lot, but he's not physically getting bigger. Sorry, folks. But here are some classic Peter quotes to make your work week:

"goidygoidygoidygoidygoidygoidy!" (while trying to tickle my armpits)

"Oh. Hi."

"Mama! Joshy zizzergadoidygo!" (usually to tattle)

"BALL!"

Oh, the infinite wisdom of Peter. I might need to needlepoint some of those.

They seem to have an apple addiction.

Oh! I remember something else that's new. Remember that one time how Katie's father is really tall? Well, so also is Katie. And she has been in a toddler bed ever since a couple of months before the boys were born. But . . . no more.

Complete with Anna and Elsa sheets

She has now discovered that hiding under the bed is the coolest thing since Kitchenaid mixers. And if you lose her, guaranteed that is where she will be. (If it's Josh, and you're at church, he's in the coat room. Just in case you're ever in that situation. Because I have been multiple times now.)

Adding the "flour mixture" to the "butter mixture"

The morning after her first night in her big girl bed, she came into my room to wake me up. After her usual attempts to get me out of bed to make her breakfast, ("No, aren't you tall enough to get your own juice yet?" "Two more minutes!") she noticed that my shirt had ridden up a little bit and started poking my belly.

Katie: Mom, what are these?
Me: Stretch marks. *yawn, stretch, grumble grumble*
Katie: What are stretch marks?
Me: When I was growing babies, my skin had to stretch out a lot and it made those red marks.
Katie: Oh . . .
Me: *snoregrumblemumblesnore*
Katie: Mom?
Me: What?

She made these all by herself from scratch . . . except for the eggs.

Katie: I think you should grow more babies. Because there should be more babies in this world. Also . . . I want a little sister. Oh! And in my bed, there's room for 5 or 6 or 7!
Me: . . .

No pressure or anything. Spoiler alert: I don't think she's going to get 7 little sisters.


 There. Now you've had a brief view of what kind of children are climbing all over me as I collapse on the floor in a state of absolute exhaustion instead of answering the phone. Except for sometimes, when they're at preschool, or napping . . . oh, sweet relief.

And you know, I'm not actually that upset about fall. Because I need me some sweaters to hide what this health challenge doesn't seem to be taking care of, if you know what I'm saying. Although, maybe I can get my legs slim enough to actually be able to wear boots . . .

 Or just sit on this amazing zebra-print pump chair we found while wandering.

You know you want one.

Breaking: 16-month-old Twins Break Record for Cutest Video Ever

And don't worry. Peter's okay. He's kind of used to it. The ending just makes this video that much more realistic.

Apparently now I make cakes? Like, a lot?

No, I'm not dead. I know you all were starting to think I was. I also know it's been almost a month since I posted. I'm sorry, Mom. This month has been crazy.

So Mike's back in school. Yeah . . .

Parenting done right.

Just kidding. We do things, sometimes. For example, we celebrated July 31. Which if you are really my friend would know was Harry Potter's 34th birthday. Obviously.

And yeah, I know, if you're a die-hard you know that in the book it was just chocolate with green lettering. But the one in the movie was just so much more memorable. I mean, really. (Enter comments like, "Seriously, Brittany? You are such a nerd!")

Or, in a less nerdy vein, the Saturday before Mike started school again, we went downtown to the Shedd Aquarium since it was such a hit last year. (Note: unless you pay the $40 per person to see extra stuff, general admission is NOT that exciting after the first time.) The problem was that we accidentally went the same weekend as Lollapalooza. Which, if you don't know (I didn't), is a huge concert festival with hundreds of bands and artists and occasionally super famous ones, and it lasts for like 4 days and takes over all of Millenium Park (and let's face it, all of Chicago). We're talking thousands of people trying to park downtown the same time we were innocently trying to take our little family to the aquarium. Gack.

It's cool, though. We parked under Soldier Field and walked over to the aquarium on the non-Lollapalooza side of the park. And it was cool, I guess. Like I said, we saw everything cool about general admission last time, and we're not going to shell out three hundred bucks to see a polar bear when we can see those at the zoo (which . . . we go to all the flippin' time. Let's face it). Oh! Except for the Australian Lungfish that was brought to the aquarium in 1933. Yeah. And he was still just swimming around like nothing. Holy cow there was a fish there older than pretty much all the people. (I mean, there could have been some elderly people there, but I didn't see any. The oldest people that I saw were grandmas who were still mobile enough to wrestle children.)

After that less-than-thrilling experience, we decided to walk around. There's a walkway around the aquarium that goes right along the lake (like as in, the path ends and then you fall the ten feet down into the lake) and we thought it was awesome. There were seagulls, propeller planes pulling ads, sail boats in fancy colors, and lots of wind. It was awesome. We kind of all decided that it was our favorite part of the trip. The only thing that would have made the whole day perfect was if I had broken my diet to get food from the street vendors. Oh, Chicago, why did I not know about your wondrous hot dogs and Italian beef sandwiches until now? I feel like my young-person metabolism years were completely wasted!

That's right. Giant macaroni noodle.

Oh, and also we now have proof that we actually live in Chicago, because that's not photoshopped.

And then Mike started school. So, you know, we slowed down. We went to the park a lot, went back to the zoo on one of the Saturdays, and were getting back into sort of a routine. And also I threw a birthday party for Katie's little friend Lilly because they have been super busy with lots of things recently. And I made this cake. (Don't judge, I'm not super experienced with fondant yet.) It was really fun. We did a "jungle safari" theme, and I had Mike go crazy with green streamers and little rubber lizards and snakes and all the stuffed monkeys we had in the house. It was a good time.

And then, we had some fun Emergency Room times. Yay. See, last Wednesday morning, when Katie woke up, she was covered in hives. She hadn't eaten anything different or anything, so as far as I could figure out, she had walked through lawn fertilizer on our walk the night before or been bitten by some kind of bug or spider. That afternoon, when it wasn't getting better, I took her to the pediatrician, who gave her some Atarax. And things at first started to be clearing up.

Such a trooper.

Then, the next day, she got worse. Like, way worse. The hives spread all the way up and down her legs and her face and hands and feet got all swollen, so much that she said it hurt to walk. That plus a fever made us worried, and when we called the nurse at her doctor's office, she said we should go to the ER. So we hurriedly called our friend Cindy (who is amazing! We love you, Cindy!) to watch the boys and went to the ER for 6 hours or so. They gave her some Motrin and Benadryl and did a bunch of tests, and then said it was probably a "serum sickness-like reaction" to a virus or something. And that we should just keep giving her Benadryl and it would go away. And it's true, Benadryl worked and her swelling went down and was gone by Monday. I'm kind of wondering if she had a reaction to the Atarax.

So we got home from the ER around 12:30 in the morning, and learned very quickly that Katie does not react to Benadryl like normal people. Rather than get all sleepy like I do, she got super loopy and started singing songs about checkered elephants. And she didn't want to go to bed because she wanted a snack and to talk all about her experience at the hospital, which was actually really cool. Seriously, if you need to take your kid to the ER in Naperville, go to Edwards. Their Pediatric ER is amazing. Katie was watching Frozen and Despicable Me 2 and the bathroom had whales painted all over the walls. But we didn't get her to bed until almost 1:30. Guess how functional her parents were the next day. Yeah.

Nerdy moment #2--I'm making a Bag End cake.

But since then everything has been a lot better. We've been to the park almost every day this week (except today, because apparently we have 6 days of thunderstorms in a row now). And, apparently my cakes have garnered attention. Because my friend's mom asked me to make her a cake for her birthday. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) So, naturally, I had to get all creative and then today I made a practice cake. But, you know, using leftover frosting and fondant, so the colors are super boring and not correct. The real cake will look better.



So life is pretty good. I'm making a new board for our preschool, which we're starting in a couple of weeks. We're doing it with 4 other kids--only 1 that we were with last year. But I'm really excited. There are a couple of moms with older kids who are old hats at this, and we've had a lot of really good ideas. Field trips, science experiments, birthday parties--it's going to be amazing! I'm actually less stressed this year because we made a calendar of topics, so I don't have to think of a lesson out of thin air every time. Also, Katie is besties with at least two of the kids. And I'm pretty sure after the first ten minutes, she'll be besties with the other two. It's going to be great.

So now we're just moving forward. My project list (some necessary, some not) is huge, but Mike's studying all the time now, so I'll have time. I just need motivation to actually get them all done. Gack. But here are a whole bunch of adorable pictures to catch you up since I didn't blog for an entire month. Or, you know, you can just be done if you don't like adorable pictures of my adorable children. I won't say anything.

I always hear the music from The Wizard of Oz . . .

Costco trip! The only way for them to be happy is to get two straws.

Look, Mom! It's a little Screaming Hairy Armadillo!

At long last, Katie had found her kinfolk.

It got really quiet, so I went to investigate . . . and found them having a goldfish picnic in the corner together.

Yes, that is my daughter totally owning the monkey bars. My daughter. What?

Peter is a pizza-holic. Like father like son.

"Hold on, Mom. I'm going to take a selfie."

I can never find my slippers anymore.

This bench on the other side of the neighborhood is their favorite place to go on walks.

"Hey Dad! Is this a good skipping rock?" 

Mike: "Katie! Go stand in between that tree and look all pretty."

Little man don't need no stroller. He's walking here.

Happy last few days of summer!