See? I redeemed myself from the Beatles' drug song by singing Arthur. Because I'm cool enough to have the soundtrack to a PBS afternoon cartoon. Yup.
In this post, I plan to first list books that I plan to read this summer, then list books which I think everyone should read, then list books nobody should read, and finally make some snarky comments about English professors and/or "literature."
How was my thesis statement? Wow, I have written so many of those. You'd think this English major thing would get over soon or something . . .
Anyhow, books. Now that I am not reading six pieces of "literature" at once, I am reading for . . . (wait for it) . . . FUN! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN YEARS!!!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Sorry. Got a little bit Dogbert on you there.
In my excitement over getting to read fun books, I went and got a Boise Public Library card. It has Shakespeare on it (giggle giggle intellectual rebellion giggle). And so, I have a list of books that are recent (or not) which I have been unable to read because they were not intellectual enough (or they were and just weren't on my booklist). Here they are (in order of when I think I might read them).
- Life of Pi by Yann Martel (started this one today. I'm quite excited.)
- Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes (intellectual, but I've always wanted to. Sorry.)
- Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
- The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
- Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
- Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
- The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
- The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman
- Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen (I know, I have to do it sometime.)
- The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley
Yeah. Still working on that list.
Here is my list of books I think you should read (in my professional opinion). (I mean, I do have a degree in English and editing after all.) (Buaha.) They are not necessarily in order of importance. I'll do my best to provide descriptions so you can decide. Also, I'm breaking all of the rules of formatting because the next two lists will not be simple and bulleted like the first one, because I like to talk about stuff. . . er, write about stuff.
#1 -The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. I know you see it and think, "19th century fatness? No way, man." But really, Dumas is a master of carrying a plot. All of his books are totally filled with action and drama, and I love it so much. This is my favorite book in the world. And I'm not a weirdo who swoons over Dickens. I don't like him that much.*
#2 - The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows. Totally fun. An authoress in London after WWII gets a letter from a man on one of the channel islands that was occupied by the British and begins corresponding with all the people on the island about their experiences during the occupation. There are serious parts, but also ridiculously hilarious parts. It's extremely well-written and I love it. (Given me by Mike's mom, by the way. Genius gift, if you ask me.)
#3 - Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling. I include all seven books in this because how can you get the whole Harry Potter experience by only reading one? Also, I don't want to write about each book individually. But I have to include them. If you remember, when the first Harry Potter books came out, everyone got excited because the books got kids reading again, which they hadn't done for a long time. Unfortunately, little Daniel, Emma, and Rupert came along and ruined that effect. Don't get me wrong, they're good movies, but if I hear "why would I read the book when I can watch the movie?" again, I might cry. They're good books. Read them. Read them now.
#4 - Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan. Sorry, another series. But Riordan is a fantastic writer. They changed the movie a lot and kind of ruined it for me, but the books are fantastic. Not only are Percy and his friends really lovable characters who have exciting and interesting adventures, but Riordan has the kind of sarcastic, dry voice that made me laugh out loud all the time. They're super books. But if you read them, don't start hating the guys who made the movie for ruining it. They have families to feed too, you know. They do their best.
#5 - The Princess Bride by William Goldman. You know how if a movie is based on a book it's 99.99% guaranteed that the book is still better? I know some who don't think that applies to The Princess Bride because the movie is so fantastic. But you know what? It's still true. Goldman is hilarious. Mike and I read it aloud the first summer we were married because he had never read it before and I think that's the strongest my abs have ever been.
#6 - Hamlet by William Shakespeare. I know what you're thinking. Hamlet is every schoolkid's nightmare. But you know something? Shakespeare invented a lot of the words that make up modern English, and Hamlet involved a lot of them. So many phrases you hear every day originated in Hamlet, such as "green-eyed monster" and "something rotten in the state of Denmark." There are lots more, probably even more familiar. And besides all this, it's an amazing story. You never know if Hamlet is entirely crazy or if he knows what he's doing. It's the murder mystery of the century. ALTHOUGH - because it's a play and was meant to be performed, I will approve if you watch the Kenneth Branagh movie adaptation. (Don't watch Mel Gibson because a) he's a horrible guy and b) he uses the whole Oedipal falling in love with his mother thing and that's disgusting.) (And if you don't know who Kenneth Branagh is, he was Gilderoy Lockhart. And also one of the best Shakespearean actors of this generation.)
#7 - Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe. I love this book. I think I read it in all the same classes where I read Heart of Darkness, but it's totally better. The main character is Okonkwo, a strong head of his family in pre-colonial Africa. You're never sure whether Okonkwo is good or bad, but it's such a good story that it's worth reading. Especially if you're like me - 100% white and have only heard the triumphant colonizer's side of the story. Try it sometime.
#8 - The Book of Mormon. See? This is the last one, but most definitely the most important. I'm willing to bet that because the only people who read this blog are related to me, you've probably already read it. But I'm going to put it on this list to remind you of how important it really is. Not only is it a literary masterpiece and a history of the people on the American continent 2,000 years ago, but it contains the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Joseph Smith said that "a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts than by any other book."
*This is the asterisk that goes along with my negative and somewhat snarky comment about Dickens. I don't like him, but I do like Great Expectations. That is an experience I think everyone should have. But the rest of Dickens I could pass on.
And now, last but not least, the list of books you should never, ever, ever, ever read. And you should trust me on this.
#1 - Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. I read this one in, like, four different classes. No, wait . . . yeah, I think it was four. Hateful book. It's dark, depressing, and racist. And it doesn't really teach you anything other than how dark and sad Africa was under Belgian rule in the 19th century.
#2 - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. I know this one is a super bestseller and all that, but don't listen to them. It's supposed to be about this journalist and a private investigator who solve a decades-old murder mystery, but all you see is people taking in harmful/illegal substances, swearing, and sexually abusing each other. That's it. I felt so dirty after the first couple chapters that I couldn't keep going. It was for a class, so I wikipedia'd the ending, and I'm glad I never finished. Keep away if you have any sense of morality.
#3 - The Famished Road by Ben Okri. I feel bad warning you against this one because my African Literature prof loved it so much. But it's so trippy it hurts. I even hated it and I like to think I'm rather intellectual in my tastes. It's about this kid in Nigeria during revolutions, and seeing everything through his child eyes, but it gets mega trippy with ghosts and orgies and flying white goddesses and weird stuff like that. Sorry, Dr. Eastley.
#4 - The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pinchon. See the notes on numbers 2 and 3 together. It's about secret societies and is all mega-poststructural and '60's and whatever, but it's just as depraved as Larsson's novel (except insert promiscuity instead of abuse). Blegh.
#5 - Oedipus by Seneca. This is not the Greek version by Sophocles, which is gracefully written and is worth reading so you understand references to it and the basis for a lot of our literature. The roman version by Seneca, however, was written in a time when Emperor Nero would have actors brutally killed on stage (not special effects - for real) because gore was so entertaining. Oedipus stabs his eyes out right in front of you and his poor mother/wife kills herself with a lot of groaning and disgustingness. Blegh.
Looking back, I'm glad that I can only think of five off the top of my head that you should steer clear of. I almost put Twilight to the list because it has ruined literature and the real-live relationships of so many young women (not to mention the career of whatever editor that was because there are so many typos and editing mistakes that it physically hurt me). But I didn't. Feel free to read it, so long as you are reading.
Anyhow, thanks for reading Brittany's rant on the world of literature. In case you notice, there aren't many books I've recommended which have come out more recently than twenty years ago. That's because I'm not familiar with modern literature (hence my booklist). But if you were to ask me what literature from this generation would end up in English classes in twenty or thirty years, I would probably say Harry Potter. It's not just popular. It's clever, exciting, and very well-written. Read it now.
Holy cow, guys. Did you live through all of that? Geez, I'm starting to sound like an English professor. Those guys LOVE to hear themselves talk. I mean seriously, have you ever heard of an English class where you got out early? No. Because they don't exist. You get out late. Always. But you have to love those guys. They're the only Democrats at BYU.
Hehe. Was that snarky enough? Happy summer reading!
