Why I have the perfect baby

Warning: some pf you may begin to writhe on the floor with jealousy while reading this post. If you know you are prone to such convulsions, please get a friend or family member to stand behind you and rub your shoulders. But a note of caution: do not let this friend also read the post. Then you'll both end up on the floor. Rather, take turns. That's safer.

Now, why my baby is the perfect baby:

1. She sleeps. At night. And I'm not kidding either. I know what you're thinking: newborn parents are supposed to show up to church puffy and red-eyed and incapable of intelligent speech, right? Well, perhaps that is usually the case. But parents of Katie show up only slightly tired but still enthusiastic. Because she wakes us up at night twice at the most. And sleeps for four-hour stretches between feedings. Which means that last night I slept for eight or nine hours. Still tired, but that's because I GAVE BIRTH a week ago. Somewhat of a traumatic physical experience.

2. She doesn't puke very much. Seriously! If she does, it's like once a day. And that's only when she's feeling needy and forces herself to eat too much. My mom made these beautiful burp cloths that we use all the time, but they don't get much wear. It's a little bit awesome.

3. She's just so happy! Even in the hospital, when she was awake she'd just stare at you and make faces and stuff. She's really not a fussy baby at all. She kind of was this morning, but then she exploded her diaper and now she's blissfully asleep. (And you can't say she's not perfect just because she exploded her diaper. I bet even Mary had to change explosive diapers.)

4. She's really good at breastfeeding. I think that's a major concern for most new moms in the hospital, because every single nurse you come in contact with has to give you the twenty-minute spiel about how to latch your baby to your boob, and then they send in several different lactation consultants to be nosey and ask you awkward questions and then give you the exact same spiel the nurses did. But MY baby latched on just fine the very first time I ever met her, when they stuck her on my chest and she was still covered in a little bit of goop and we tried breastfeeding for the first time. So there, lactation consultants. (Side rant: do they really have to SEE it before they let you leave? I just think that's ridiculous. "Yes, my baby is eating. I changed three poopy diapers today. Doesn't that mean she's getting enough? You don't have to see me naked ALL the time . . . ")

Those are the big ones. Everything she does kind of falls into these categories. Okay, not kind of. It does. Eat. Sleep. Poop. That's it. Oh, and snuggle, but I already said she was happy.

Still alive, you jealous people? (And did the shoulder rubbing work? I've never actually tested that theory.)